Breadcurmbs.

I don't think that too many people visit this page any more but I figured I would at least point you to where I have been spending my time these days. Any blogging activity has been on the Center for the Cure of Souls page found here. And of course Facebook might be the culprit, so if you are interested in some of the things I am thinking about you can do a search for me there. So for now I will just be leaving bread crumbs here. Have fun.

I'll be baaak

I haven't been around for a while. I have been focusing my energy on taking care of people. But I think I will be getting around to writing again soon enough. In the immortal words of the Terminator- "I'll be baaak".

On reading the Desert Fathers

For the past few years I have been spending more time in Orthodox Spirituality. No where does the light of truth shine more brightly for the cure of souls than in this tradition. While evangelicals and charismatics grope for understanding in the effort to cure souls and default to psychotherapists the desert fathers had an intimate, personal and effective understanding of the human person, the heart or "nous".

However, as one comes into contact with these writings, like the Philokalia, one comes to think that this is the absolute word on spirituality and growth. Unfortunately we often fail to realize that this is the way of the spiritual athlete. I like to refer to it as the advanced physics of genuine Christian spirituality. As such it is not easily appreciated by those who are young in the faith. If the stats are right most Christians, even those in mega-churches, don't even pray or read the scriptures regularly (perhaps this is why so many have to run after the latest teaching seeking "refreshment" in the "spirit"). I do appreciate how strong the evangelical ethos is to evangelize and inspire deep commitment in converts. When that evangelical ethos is carried to maturity and those people are introduced to the inner life of the desert fathers this is when real inner transformation can begin to take place. The evangelical world has no substantial answer for persistent sin and brokenness. The answer is typically, 'repent, and pray more and read the bible". Some times this includes memorizing scriptures. But they do not understand why these work or the mechanisms of the human person, the economy of the soul, that one can employ in this endeavor. At times the glory of this inner tradition is so strong as to pull me in that direction. And then I remember my Charismatic brothers and sisters imbued with the Spirit who are outside of "O"rthodoxy who are also healing the soul and setting people free with some of the same spirit illumined works. Why is it, when the light shines so great on paper, that one often has to go outside of the Orthodox tradition to find release? or to find genuine evangelical commitment? Can it be that these have also "acquired" the Holy Spirit? Of course this can be so. As I read the Fathers I find, not new and surprising truths, but familiar and practiced truths. I find wisdom commensurate with my experience of the Holy Spirit. Having practiced a deep prayer life led by the spirit I find similar things spoken differently. And yet the fathers, having gone deeper, having been more the athlete than I, call me deeper and illumine my soul further. I am grateful for their inner watchfulness, their "nepsis", and the riches they have mined for us.

The Shipwreck of the Bonnie Bryant

From time to time I wax poetic and this poem is about the shipwreck of the soul and the journey home. Read Psalm 107

The Shipwreck of the Bonnie Bryant

By Matthew Mirabile

It has been years since the grounding

Years since the ship, tossed about the seas

Subject to the fiercest storms and deluge

The tempest and lightings

Years since she ran upon the rocks

There the ship lay for a time

While the tempests had passed

And the seas grew calmer

Even still the breakers beat the hull

Remnants of a storm now past

How can we free this vessel

Now ran aground upon the mighty stones

Stuck upon the sharp and jagged landscape

For the stern is run through and water fills the hull

The stores have been emptied

And the cargo nearly all lost

The Captain remains faithful

Having never left the vessel

The crew nearly drowned to a man

Washed up on the shore like fishes

Like some weak, exhausted creatures

Bleached by the sun

Take stock of the vessel

Examine the hull and masts

This seafarer is not finished yet

The boards though battered are sturdy still

The ropes and sails though tattered

Await new winds for filling

Chop us some wood

Call the ships carpenter

That master builder who survives

The maker and repairer of all things

“This ship will again sail”, says he

"But the work will take some time"

Let us beach the vessel

Off the rocks and upon the sand

Lighten the load and wait for tide

And every man lay a hand

Take up the ropes and pull with might

With all your heart

Upon the beach the vessel lay

For months the stranded labor

And long nights pass and fires blaze

As blame and fault are measured

For those that steered the ship astray

O’er navigations blunders

“Enough of that”, the captain warns

“Tis time to test the timber

For the hull is patched and the sails repaired

And the sea again she beckons

May gull and loon soon guide us”

Yet the hull is scarred deep

And the gashes appear above the draught

The ship she creaks with every wave

And the beam is not so true

Still upon the seas again we sail

When sailors pray and mercies sought

“I cannot say with any surety”,

says the captain to the crew

“that we shall see our desired haven

but better the sea in this beaten vessel

then the rocks and sand and tern

for years spent there slay hope”

Mind not the leaking waters

But take up the bucket bilge

And keep thy hand upon the pilot’s wheel

Take it not off, not even a moment

Lest we find ourselves again

At the mercy of the stormy sea

Keep out thine eye up there

Yee that in the crows nest spy

Keep us true and sound the depth

When the straights approacheth

And when land is gone and gulls are few

Keep hope and faith fervent

For we shall reach land

Yet not the land we reckoned

But that which men do seek

That land of gold and stories told

That land of spice and glory

Yet few are they who find it

So keep strong at work

And give not rest to deck hand

And to oarsman, and keep her clean

And tighten the ship at each port along the way

For days shall come when again the test

Shall cause good men to quiver

But at the end of the journey

When day is past

Your soul it shall deliver.

A report from the outlands

I have been spending a great deal of time over the last few months on working towards Pascha House. We found a another great piece of property that fully embodies the vision with a building for a sanctuary, several small bungalow houses and a larger one plus other structures we can use. We are praying for a miracle of provision and favor with the owner and hope to make an offer soon.

The church, Church of the Holy Martyrs, had been in a re-launch phase but we recently realized that we were not re-launching the church but launching Pascha House. I was joined by Fr. John VanHaelen who has come aboard as assisting priest and he has been a blessing. Church has been great and God is working in the lives of the people.

Personally I have been most profoundly impacted by my continued readings of the Orthodox saints, particularly the Philokalia and the writings of Napfaktos Heirotheos. These writings represent the truest guide to the inner way and he enlightening of the intellect in the way of salvation. This material is essential to my brothers and sisters in the Protestant world as it represents a missing body of material on the inner workings and dynamics of the intellect, soul, body and spirit. I have even taken to sleeping on the floor on more than one occasion in the disciplining of the body for the eradication of the passions. This, of course is a life long journey. and I am convinced that this inner way has to be passed on to those who are coming after me and I am passing this on. Mean while I have remained true to my roots in Protestant experience. this is important because it is through private "charismatic" experience that I had already come to see and understand the sayings of the desert fathers and had, through various experiences found them confirming these same things. While some may say where the church is we cannot say where it is not. It is in this effort of integration that I continue to persist, remaining true to what I have already experienced and proved effective and adding to it. For, "when the body is urged by the senses to indulge its own desires and pleasures, the corrupted intellect readily succumbs and assents to its impassioned fantasies and impulses. But the regenerated intellect exercises self-control and withholds itself from them. Moreover, as the true philosopher it studies how to rectify such impulses. And so I have sought to study how to rectify such religious experiences that hurt, and those that benefit the soul. Not that i have already attained this, but I press on toward the goal.

In the mean time I have also taken time to recharge and enjoy my time with my kids, my friends and other activities. We recently took the kids and other young men from church on a camping trip that was a wild success, one we will repeat at least once before the summer is out. And then I rode my motorcycle to Americade and rode and rode, putting on 950 miles in four days. I love riding and find it meditative and prayerful when it is not simply mind clearing. I spend much of my motorcycle time praying the Jesus prayer, "Jesus, Son of God have mercy on me a sinner".

So here is my long overdue post. I fear that they will be few and far between for a while, perhaps to diminish altogether. We shall see. And pray for me a sinner.

Stuff happens

Well, we went from Easter to a clergy retreat and from that to one of those major computer crashes that eat up tons of your time trying to fix. Hours and hours spent trying to defrag the drive and get work done through a poorly functioning machine. I hate that! So I eventually used the recovery utility to reinstall windows. And while I did not have to reload every program several won't reload properly now, especially Quickbooks Pro. And to top it all off I lost all my contacts, ones gathered from nearly fifteen years of business. And my back ups would not load because the windows reload behaved like a new machine. Crap!!!! I finally got most of them back through an obscure CF card from my old palmtop that I used 8 months ago. Back up and running, almost. Well, at least its a post.

Run over and raised to life

About 7 years ago, shortly after we moved into our home here we were praying about getting a dog. On a family walk in the neighborhood we passed a little black Pomeranian in the front yard of a home. Our kids could not resist going up to pet him. It turned out that the owner had several dogs and gave us this little Dog, Gizmo. Gizmo has been a wonderful family pet. He is no bigger than a cat and as quiet as one too, and he is fun and affectionate. My daughter loves him.

Wednesday afternoon was busy. We have a habit of letting him out the door to relieve himself, which he usually does along the fence in our yard. We usually keep an eye on him to make sure he doesn't go in the street. He is an inside dog. But it was busy. Within a few minutes my Son in the Lord, Carl walked in stating that Gizmo had just been run over by an SUV.

I found Gizmo in the street virtually dead. His body was frozen in that arched position that you find most dead animals in at the side of the road. He was not really breathing, his body was strangely firm, his eyes were unfocused and simply twitching to the right. I took him to the back yard, to a spot where I could pray without distraction and where faith could be at work. I prayed over him, commanding the life of God to enter him and emphatically calling on God to heal this beloved family friend. Then my 16 year old Son Mattias came and joined with me in prayer. At first there were no signs of life, then after just a few minutes of praying he blinked his eyes and looked over at me. I continued to pray for healing and he then licked the blood from his mouth. I then commanded him to get up and walk, and......he squirmed around and began to pull himself up, but his hips and rear legs were not cooperating. I calmed him and made him lay still. We continued to pray and I had my son get a towel so we could lift him and get him into the car to take him to the animal hospital. Gizmo tried to get up again. As we took him up from that spot in the towel to the car my son said, "I think the Lord has told me that he will only need a cast on his front leg". And so my wife and I drove him to the animal hospital. As we drove we could see that he was responsive and alert. By the time we reached the hospital he sat up on his own on the floor. We took him in and they examined him. After x-rays and a full check up they said that he was in surprisingly good shape and just had a broken front leg. He had a plate put in yesterday and he will be home today.

Now, when we came home we were processing this event. "Was he really that near death? Could he have just been suffering from shock?" These are the questions you tend to ask yourself in the face of events that defy explanation. So we asked Carl. Carl explained that Gizmo walked across the street to Him when he saw him so he actually saw Gizmo get run over; first by the front wheel, which flipped up in the air landing him on his back to be then run over completely by the rear tire. Gizmo was run over by both tires and crushed under the weight of a 37oo lb vehicle. And I can say that the dog was virtually dead when I picked him up and first laid him on the front lawn and assessed him. God miraculously restored this animal to life who should have been dead.

This even has, of course now begun to encourage and challenge the people who saw it. We are challenged to expand our faith, to believe God for the impossible, to trust him for our needs. And I, I am simply praising God and giving Him glory!

Maintaining the Protest

Several months ago I made a decision to remain in my communion. For a long time I had been on a trajectory towards the historic churches but always found myself stopping just short because of a few issues that I could not comfortably get around. At one time I considered converting to the Roman Church. But I took issue with the fact that married clergy are virtually never permitted to preach on Sunday or administer the sacraments on a principal service. Married clergy appear to be second rate clergy of whom the church is embarrassed. I could not overcome this hurdle. My other issues really centered around the validity of experience. I could not bring myself to confess that those Protestant Christians with whom I have been saved, baptized in the Spirit and taught the deep things of Christ were less authentically or less validly The Church. What I know is that Jesus is no less present with godly, spirit filled Evangelicals though they do not keep the historic shape of the liturgy, though they deny Christ's real presence, though they bow to the spirit of the age at times. This doesn't mean I think they are "complete". I do not believe that. I beleive they are poorer for lack of these things and that the absence of a rich sacramental life, a healthy liturgy, and the discontinuity with the spirituality of the church of the first five centuries - particularly that of the Desert Fathers, of necessity leads to little errors (and some big ones). But amazingly Jesus is still present, working in the midst of it. And I know that Jesus is often more present among these brothers and sisters, that their zeal is greater and their commitment to Christ is deeper, than most of the members of the many Roman and Orthodox churches that surround me here in the North East.

Yet, after making decision mentioned at the start, I felt a rebelliousness in my soul, a wildness. And I have been thinking a lot about this. Because the fact is that while I continue to carry these issues I am in Protest. And these other bodies that fail to embrace their brothers of the Reformation in the essentials of the faith as represented in the primary apostolic witness of scripture, that fail to really embrace the power of the Holy Spirit for the common life (making it decidedly less common), that deny the scriptures when it clearly indicates that an overseer be married (just not to more than one wife), I am put in a position of Protest. I can humbly submit to these things and lay it all down. But I find that my full participation in the Kingdom of God where I am is what makes me valid and I long for the day when the churches unite on the essentials. In heaven we will not say "I am of Rome, I am of the East, I am of Calvin or Luther." We will all confess together, we are of Christ Jesus!

Cultural Enablers?

Does the church at times and in places act as a cultural enabler? When the church embraces the values and illnesses of the culture is it not enabling those illnesses to perpetuate? When we fold those values into the church that run counter to the historic faith are we not enabling?

What is problematic is that these values are so pervasive and deceptive that few can discern just where the illness is located. Just as those who are in co-dependent relationships cannot see their own contribution to the dysfunctional relationship, I wonder if we can really see our participation in the cultural dysfunction. How can we tell if we are complicit or not? While we are in the relationship we cannot see it. somehow we have to step outside of it. How can we do this?

We can only step outside of this dysfunctional cultural relationship by removing ourselves from it. I am not advocating a retreat from society. The withdrawal I propose is to the place of prayerful contemplation. We have to withdraw to a place of contemplation informed by voices not our own. And by "not our own" I include our own culture. We must be informed by voices from other times, the voices of men who have gone before us. We need to retreat with the voices of the Early Church fathers, the, monks, saints and Christians who are "outside" the culture of our time. And we must let them shed light on what we believe. Perhaps we need to develop a certain skepticism towards our own culture and our own voice, a posture of humility that invites the correction of other ages and greater souls.

As persons we can only grow when we begin to believe that we don't have all the answers and that others need to speak into our lives. As the Church, perhaps we need to do the same. Maybe then we can extricate ourselves from repeating dysfunctional patterns in the church. Maybe we can get a better idea of healthy spirituality from outside our own context, maybe from the desert among ascetics who cut themselves off from the love of the world. Maybe we can get a better idea of authentic worship from outside our own highly individualized and customized society. From a time when people understood that the strength of one is found in the health of the whole. Maybe we can get a better idea of social justice from another time so that we don't advocate justice for moral confusion. Perhaps then we would see clearly to discern between those who are truly suffering from injustice and those who have brought suffering on themselves because they have abandoned God's commands. Maybe we would get a better idea of doctrine, not from the spirit of novelty or disaffection, but from humble submission to the mundane, the established, from tradition. maybe our departure should not be from what has been handed down, but from what has been reinterpreted, revalued, and rejected. Maybe then we can see our way a bit more clearly to emulate the city of God than the city of men.

New Pascha House web page

I have created a new WordPress blog site/web presence for Pascha House. It is called Pascha House Update and will function as a news portal for Pascha House as well as a basic web site. It will also include a donation button so that people can donate via the web with a click of the mouse. Please visit the site, just click on the image above.

One of my hopes is that Pascha House will serve CEC parishes by providing a treatment program that is consistent with the vision of the CEC. I cannot think of many (if any) recovery programs that are fully Charismatic - bringing all the power of the spiritual gifts together for inner healing, together with a richly sacramental spiritual life, and an evangelical emphasis on personal faith and the Word of God. It is my hope that CEC churches and others will be able to send young men who need healing and discipleship. Please check it out.

Fr. Matt

Inner Court vs. Outer Court Worship

I have been thinking a lot about worship these days. Actually the relationship between worship, holiness and genuine spirituality. Of course many people are talking about worship these days. We talk about worship in spirit and truth and of worshiping with all our hearts. And many people are talking about the idolatry of modern worship. We have made an idol out of pursuing the emotional experience of worship, the high. And like many I have been questioning the authenticity of it. This is not a new insight, and as I said, many others have commented on it. Modern praise and worship is all too often emotive rather than authentically spiritual. And I think we confuse the two. Emotional worship is not necessarily spiritual at all. In fact, I think it is endemic of modern Evangelical/Charismatic spirituality. It is a spirituality rooted in the "passive" part of the human person. This is Orthodox language for that part of the human person wherein the passions originate and are active. We can have healthy passions of course. We can have healthy emotional love and rapture for God too. So we can't disqualify this sort of worship out of hand. But perhaps it is more an "outer court" worship than many would like to think. This may sound surprising to many since they feel that it is precisely the emotive aspect of worship that makes it an inner court sort of thing. But the problem is that it often seems shallow. Modern Evangelical worship, with all its intimacy and emotive force eventually feels shallow. Why is this? I think it returns to this aspect of the passive part of the human person. Evangelical Spirituality is notoriously Word centered and it is active (read the bible and do something). What it is not is introspectively spiritual. What do I mean by this? The Desert Fathers were deeply aware of what sort of things fuel the passive part of the person. They were introspectively aware of how their thoughts and activities promote or inhibit their responsiveness to God. In fact they were often seeking a passionless state, that is; a state in which their passions and so the vices - lust, avarice, greed, sloth, gluttony, et al. - were extinguished so that they could be filled with the Holy Spirit and caught up in pure contemplation and enravishment by God. However we are often not paying attention to our inner state. When we eat too much, or watch too much TV, or if we are too busy and anxious, or when we are fostering anger and fear these things have a direct, powerful but subtle effect on our spiritual state. We have not been watchmen over our souls, we have not been in possession of our spirits, and so our capacity to apprehend God is polluted. If we are gluttonous and lazy it is like water on the fire of our zeal and we cannot pray. If we are angry and fearful it is like a fire that consumes all the fuel and leaves nothing but ash-our spirits are burned over. If we are busy and anxious our spirit is divided and confused and so also we cannot pray or focus our energies on God. This of course presumes holiness - not simply the absence of serious sin but an inner watchfulness for that which leads to the thoughts that fire the passions that lead to sin. If this then is the state of the souls of most how can they worship in spirit and truth? All they have to give is an instantaneous emotive response engendered by emotive music. True worship starts in the Holy of Holies, the heart, the nous (see Gk.-noeo). And if the noetic powers are clear and strong worship is strong and vibrant and inexhaustible. It does not rely on emotive powers but has clear and unfettered access to God from within.
This is inner court worship. Worship that originates in and is in close proximity to the Holy of Holies. Outer court worship originates in and is in close proximity to the marketplace and the bustle of the streets - these are the passions and the affairs of the world.
We can start in the outer court, but in time we must proceed to the Holy of Holies. We must cleanse the temple of our hearts (the seat of the will and intellect) through repentance and inner watchfulness. This is the austere path of the spiritual athlete.
Jesus, Son of God, have mercy on me a sinner.

The Spirit of Holiness, 2 Epiphany

A meditation on John 1:29-34, 2nd Sunday of Epiphany

It is the lamb of God, slain before the foundation of the world, who baptizes with the Spirit. Why is it that no one else can baptize with the Spirit? Our sins must be removed before we can receive the Spirit. Why is it that there can be no authentic baptism of the Spirit without the forgiveness of sins? Because the Spirit of God is the Spirit of holiness. We must be sanctified before we can receive this Spirit. This is the distinguishing mark of the impartation of the Holy Spirit. Not ecstatic utterances or prophecies, not fainting and laughing, but holiness and love. Where these things are increasing the Spirit of God is present. Where these things are not present there is a lying Spirit.

I, from time to time, watch religious programing on TV. The Word network or GodTV often provide insights, not so much into the Word, as into modern Western worship. This worship so often appears false to me. It appears misdirected. Not always, but often. And I have been trying to place my finger on it because it is so subtle. But I think what it is is a profound lack of holiness among God's people. I have been convicted of this myself. We cannot worship God in spirit and truth if there is no Holiness. What is so often missing in church as we know it is authentic Christian spiritual formation of the sort that leads to a more genuinely spiritual worship. We too often confuse emotive worship with what is truly of the Spirit. We often forget that most religions provide mystical and spiritual experiences. This is common to man because he is a spiritual being. What we often lack is worship that is of the Spirit of God, that Holy Spirit that is resplendent, that caused Moses' face to shine. I am not against modern worship music. I use it myself. I just wonder how much flesh is in the mixture.

Jesus, Son of God, have mercy on me a sinner.
Jesus, Son of God, have mercy on me a sinner.
Jesus, Son of God, have mercy on me a sinner.

Charismatic Enough!

I wonder, as people and especially as Clergy - Are we Charismatic enough? Are we charismatic enough to recognize a Pharisaical spirit when it is there? Can we hear it when men speak and see it in their actions? Have we cultivated the gift of discernment? Can we discern between a broken man with faith and a successful man who is proud? When we pray do we really hear that still small voice? Or perhaps we are so much in the flesh that we cannot tell the difference between the Spirit of the Lord and our own desire. Is our optimism based upon really hearing the voice of the Lord, sound judgment and wisdom or is it magical thinking covering over the fear of failure? Are we Charismatic enough? Are we Charismatic enough to hear the Spirit of Holiness calling us to repent and seek a deeper, truly Christian life? Are we Charismatic enough to step out of the boat and risk our skin? Or do we play it safe while we make bold pronouncements? Do we cast out demons and heal the sick, really heal them? Are we really binding up the broken? or just passing them off to someone else because they take so much time and energy? Are we Charismatic enough? Are people being saved? Have they consecrated their lives to Christ and been born from above? Are they being delivered from sin and addiction and restored to life? Are they going out and telling others where to find life? Are you charismatic enough to give a word of knowledge in a time of need, a word that breaks the yoke? Are people being made whole? Are you Charismatic enough? When you pray for people do they weep because you have disclosed the secrets of the heart and spoken Gods word to the soul? When you pray alone when was the last time you really felt the presence of God? Did His peace come over you as you entered his rest? Did you get divine understanding for souls, ministry and life? Did you come away with a truly heavenly perspective?

I love Orthodox Spirituality. I love the Liturgy and Chant. There is something Holy about those things. They disclose something of God from a different perspective. But in all my years I have found that it is the Spirit that gives life, a personal encounter with God and with His Spirit that is life transforming. It is by the Spirit that we participate in the divine nature. These other things help keep us from error, but they are no substitute.

Prayers for Nathan

On January 1st I received a phone call from a parishioner. His 20 year old step son had swallowed 150 aspirin. Fortunately he was taken to the hospital early enough to have his stomach pumped. He is alive and well all things considered. He is being held in the psych unit for observation since this was a serious suicide attempt. He is not a believer at all and has shown some contempt for the church. Please pray for this young man that he will have a true conversion experience. I will be visiting him again by mid week.